Good Days and Bad Days

Kathleen was fairly convivial this morning but she threw the most major tantrum at lunchtime.

She was at the table with her sisters eating then decided that she didn't like me to sit at the side of the table where I was feeding Eric, she wanted me to sit at the top.

So she pushed and climbed up on the chair behind me and shoved me with her feet and screamed some.

When I finished feeding Eric, I moved to the seat that she wanted me to sit in.

All was well for a few minutes then she noticed that there was a dining room chair in front of the computer so she got up to bring it to the table.

She couldn't get the chairs to go into the table together and started to get very frustrated and started screaming. Our attempts to help her to get the chairs to fit failed and she just went bright red and then she started biting her arm.

She did this a couple of times before finally giving up and running off.

It was one of the saddest moments of my life. Never had I felt such despair and I began to wonder if this was it.

If this was the best that we were ever going to have.

Even now as I type this I am crying again.

I just want so desperately to help her and she was doing so well and has come so far with her Autism over the past year and now to start biting herself. Where does it end?

I am more than a little despondent at this time.

No doubt tomorrow I will pick myself up, dust myself off and start all over again. But for today, I think I will allow the tears.
Later.