The Long Awaited Day Has Come

Eric, my baby boy, turned 14 months today.
For those in the know, it is a kind of magical number, after which for the next two months, there is a high probability that my son will become Autistic.
It is something that I have been dreading from before his birth.
It was like a cloud sitting on my shoulder for the longest time and now finally, it is here.
I have watched him carefully.
I have had him screened by early childhood development.
His results for that were normal. As I expected them to be.
For the most part, the children are absolutely perfectly normal until the day that they make "the change".
They speak, walk, talk, interact just as any other child then one day, wham, it is gone and in it's place is the shell of your child.
When I was at the Option Institute in Massachusetts in 2006 I was given a piece of paper, some one a long time back had done a study on early infants then monitored them to see if they developed Autism.
One of the things noticed that the head growth changed exponentially during the first year, so I monitored Eric's head and it seemed to have grown within the limits of the growth chart with no large growth change.
The other thing noted was that the babies tended to drag one leg when they crawled and crawled sort of as a frog does.
He did not do that either.
They also tend to walk on tippy toes.
Which he only does to look out the window to see the dogs in the backyard.
I know that Nathan and John both have very large heads but, I didn't monitor them in the first year as I did Eric.
I can also remember Kathleen crawling like a frog and walking on tiptoes.
But, I don't know that I remember the boys doing either of those things.
I can only continue to pray that he will be spared.
I watch him and I hope.
I spend a lot of time holding and cuddling him and telling him that I love him and hope that in the event he makes the changeover, he will remember this and know wherever he is, that his mummy loves him very much and can't wait for him to come back to her.
A week or so ago, he sat in the playpen next to me while I was on the computer and he put his hands to the side of his head and started rocking backwards and forwards.
The day before that, he lay on the floor and stared at the ceiling for a few minutes and wouldn't respond as I called his name.
I can't help but wonder if this is the beginning and I am afraid,
I am afraid that I will lose my little baby to a place where I can't go and I can only try my hardest to reach and it hurts.
People offer bandaids and say "it won't happen, he'll be alright".
How can they offer me that guarantee?
I have already lost the lotto 3 times out of six.
I would much rather they acknowledge that it is a possibility but, tell me to be optimistic, I can handle that so much better than someone telling me not to worry, it's not gonna happen.
Cause unfortunately, it may.
These two months will possibly be the longest two months of my life.
Pray for my baby. He needs it more than ever at this time.
Thanks.